so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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