people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
