I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
