You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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