He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize