You smell like stripper and shame
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
