I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
