8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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