he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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