just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Be still, my beating vagina.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
