i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
