My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
