I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
