All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
