i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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