did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
