My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
