drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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