we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
