I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
