girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
