my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We left the knife in your bed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
