Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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