Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
