This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
