i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
