Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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