Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
