It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
