How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
