$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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