I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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