Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
