Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
