we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize