I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
