Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
