if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
