she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
