I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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