ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
