I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You dont lie about slip and slides
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
