His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All the doctor said was why
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
