The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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