First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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