He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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