Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
