i barfeds in our rink
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
