When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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