Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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