don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
