god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
