I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
