What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
