I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
