My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
