Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
