your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
