There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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