in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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