If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
...so i touched it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize