I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
