Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize