Your dad touched me again.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
