did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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