Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
