to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
