were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry about my life...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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