another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've blown a few things in my day
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
